we leave for california in less than a month... well hopefully. and really it is a trip to LA. we are landing in LAX. we are stayin in LA [or very close to it]. but i reallllllllllllly want to take a day out and hit up Huntington Beach. at first i thought it was an excellent possibility with public transportation. now i hear that's it close to an hour drive. i don't give a fuck if its a 4 hour drive, i still want to go. that's really all i want to do. well outside of LA. in LA, i'm sure we will be doing lots of fabulous shopping and dining. and visiting the santa monica pier but i wanna see PCH. i wanna walk the streets that i've heard some of my favorite people talk about for like 5/6 years now. i wanna point and go "oh that's the place where ____". i want to lay around and go for long walks on the beach. i want to smell, taste, touch the pacific ocean. that doesn't happen in LA. but most of all, i just want to be apart of something bigger than me. i want to feel like "this is where i belong." maybe not permanently. maybe not for the rest of my life. but just for a day, just for an hour, i want to feel what it's like to not live in a shit hole. what it's like to walk around a city and see more sand than pavement. and maybe just pretend that there's still hope in the world.
i'm holding no expectations for this trip. hell at this point, i'm not even expecting this trip will happen. i'm hoping, praying and wishing. it would be nice to see joel while we are there. it would be nice to see josh while we are there. it would be nice to see my HB [if] we are there. it would be nice to eat at the Ivy with lindsay fuckin lohan while we are there. but all of that doesn't even matter to me honestly. i want to just go on a plane again. i want to have butterflies in my stomach. i want to have all my things packed. i want to feel independent. i want to get away from this state of pain, anger and disappointment in me. i don't want to be tied down. i don't want to worry about if chris is gonna be somewhere. i don't want to worry about what i say or can't say. i don't want to worry if i have under eye circles or if i look fat. i just want to fucking live and be happy with my best friend.
5.06.2008
how my heart behaves.
5.04.2008
because my bulletins don't work.
Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
yeah, a few. some i hate it. and some i have to let it happen for my own good.
Who is someone you'd like to fix things with?
Benj and Chris... but ironically enough, i'd be more comfortable seeing Benji right about now. just too much stuff there with Chris.
Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
all the time... but does it count if they are hittin on you? haha
What have you learned lately?
to liveeee. and to love myself.
Do you trust people too easily or not enough?
i don't trust at all.
What's the color of the soap in your shower?
dove white.
Do you ever bite your lip?
when i'm turned on.
When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
oh shit i dunno. which is a really good feeling.
Are you ticklish?
super.
Do you ever keep arguing even when you know you're wrong?
yeahhhh, I always win somehow too. i'm too stubborn.
What are you listening to?
i was listening to Linsday Lohan hahaha now it's Simple Plan.
Is there someone you want to fight?
no, not really. wouldn't mind slappin around some people though. It's more Ericka's fight than mine but I can't stand the bitch either.
Are you missing anyone?
definitely missin some familiar faces.
Where do you wish you were right now?
Huntington Beach, California.
Ever found lyrics to a song that almost exactly describes you?
all the time. usually it's City & Colour or Morrissey/The Smiths.
Who were the last people you ate lunch with?
last Friday, with my bestest Meghan Leigh.
Was yesterday a good day?
eh. Smackdown could've been better.
What are you looking forward too?
motherfucking June. Dad in the car today was like "so you are leaving in a month?" and my heart stopped for a second haha
Something you need to do?
homework.
How was this weekend?
it's ok.
Have any plans for the weekend?
avenged on MTV2 tonight then working out. and papers all afternoon tomorrow.
Where is the person you like right now?
that should be 'people' haha and they are both in HB... well that I know of, they are leaving pretty soon though.
Last time you consumed alcohol?
last night.
Do you like your life as of now?
yeah. i don't have too many complaints.
How's your heart lately?
pretty damn good. its clearing up some space.
Ever kissed someone who smokes?
yes.
How old are you right now?
21.
Did you have a good birthday this year?
my birthday is October 16th.
Have you ever been called a tease?
hahaha allllllll the time. and i am a cock tease, i've embraced it. you aint gettin in between these thighs.
Where are you going on vacation next?
CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAA [knows how to party.]
Three days from now will you be in a relationship?
ummmm, why am i thinkin no? haha someone flyin to me Australia in the next three days?
Is there anyone who doesn't like you because of something you didn't even do?
I don't know, I don't care.
Do you like your first name?
I love it.
Do you like to cuddle?
oh yeah. i'm a spooner.
Do you have any siblings?
meghan. but ryan and kate get honorable mention too. close enough. katy calls me her 'god sissy' haha i don't even know what that means but it's cute.
Close in age?
megson is my age. kate is 11. and ryan is...17? i dunno he's graduating this year and we are both libras, so i think so haha
Where will you live when you're older?
definitely to be determined. was toronto. now who the fuck knows. someone find me a PR job with the Lakers hahaha oh god, my dream job.
Who was last to comment you?
Meg and Ericka... i approve my comments so it was at the same time haha
Three words to explain why you last threw up?
just one: sick.
Where did your last hug take place?
i don't remember. i think in Meg's car?
Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?
nope.
Do you plan on moving out within the next year?
nahhh. I still got RIT to get through.
Where is your father right now?
living room, on the computer.
Do you love anyone?
oh, many. many don't even know.
Does a kiss make you feel better?
if it's from a hot dude sure.
Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
when i get in.
Who was last person to call you?
i dunno, someone i didn't know. that's why its a missed call haha
Where is your cell phone?
sitting beside me on the nightstand.
What can you do with $71?
keep Matt busy................ at first i didn't mean that to sound sexy but yeah, that too ;]
Are you smiling?
after that last question, yes haha
Are you drinking anything?
coffee.
What was the last thing you purchased?
Syn Gates camo hat last night.
What are you wearing right now?
Chanel V neck and my comfy jeans.
Look down, what do you see?
cleavage hahaha
Something on your mind?
if MAC makes a mineral powder foundation?
Happy this shit is over?
whatever, i'm still bored haha