my heart's changing...

i miss missing chris.

i still think about him, but its more of a "i haven't seen him in awhile. i hope he's ok." i think things make more sense when i don't think about him honestly. at this point, i think we're in our own lives. maybe one day it happen like i always thought it would and our lives can match up for once, but for right now i don't see it happening.

at the beginning of the year, meghan and i were making jokes about our "replacements". to me, that was because chris had replaced benj -- completely. and i'm so happy that i had such a good guy to replace the heartache i had from the "ex". but now i think... [i don't want to say definitely but,] i think chris has a replacement now. but i'm 99.9% sure its only temporary.

whatever it is or why it's happening at all, i'm happy. i probably have my head in the clouds for the moment but there's a corny smile on my face every time i see a new picture or video with dp. i'm okay. i'll be okay without chris. and it's pretty clear, i'll be okay with him [if that time comes].

all good things:
-i wish him.
-come to an end.

it's nothing to cry over, in fact its something to smile about. i don't regret anything and i'll never regret falling for him. but i'm getting back up on my own. and you never know when there's going to be a new chapter.

i'm not where i belong yet...but i'm happy to know i'm getting there with a smile on my face.