' oh listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain

- telling me just what a fool i've been. '


my dad used to sing that song when i was growing up. and for some reason whenever i hear the rain fall, i can hear him singing that line. i imagine as time goes on that memory will be getting more precious.

but this is not the time for sob stories. which was definitely not to be expected because i spent most of my morning thinking about how i'm missing my bats in toronto. but i had a fabulous day. i mean technically, the day has ended already but for the moment i'm still stuck in yesterday.

i got a hundred on my latest english quiz.
i got a free GRANDE starbucks bold coffee.
my hair was absolutely perfect in a gisele bundchen, sex pot way, well minus everything that is good about her life.
but most of all, i was cleaning and found my mom's old pictures.

some were from niagara falls, virgina beach, lake george - just little trips her and my dad took by themselves. they turned into each other's best friends. and they were just...perfect. she was perfect. not that she isn't now, but her battle with illness has took a toll on her. but back then she could've been a model. honestly! looking back at them, i thought i was looking at an urban outfitters catalogue. she was exquisite. she is timeless. she is also one to change her hair color [some pictures shes blonde, some shes red, and some shes brunette], wear heels [platforms], and drink coffee [theres one of her chugging a huge cup of it]... all of these are much like her daughter. she had such a magnetism about her. i must've looked at these pictures about 1000 times throughout the day. i hope i get that. i hope someday my children can look at pictures of me and think: "wow, my mother was gorgeous." but i doubt it.

i wish i could see her dance. i wish i could cook with her. i wish i could go shopping with her. i wish i could take her to toronto. i wish she could guide me. i wish lots of things for her and me.

just thinking of her being my age and being pushed by my father on a swing set - like she was in one of the photos - just bring tears to my eyes. i turn into such a baby when it comes to her and my grandfather. those are the only two, just the thought. just saying their names, and i'm choking back tears. exactly like i am now. i can't wait to upload these pictures somehow. i don't have a scanner, so i'm gonna ghetto it and just take a digital picture of the picture. but it will be done, and soon.

and now i'm afraid i have to go to sleep, i have started to cry. kind of ironic when you think about it... i said this wasn't a time for a sob story. and it wasn't when i was first viewing the images, but now i suppose it is.

sam contradicting herself; who knew?!





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Listening to: Ingrid Michaelson - Die Alone