every once and awhile -

- you will have something or someone in your life that you ever planned. somethings that help you without ever them ever knowing... this may not make any sense to anyone else. and its hard to even connect this to my point. connections you never understood and things i don't know how to say... things i didn't even know i felt. and this made me cry.

anyone who knows me knows how involved i am with my family. i was raised by my father and grandfather until he died when i was seven. they had to raise me because my mother has been in the hospital since i was one. after you read this, you will see how close to home it hits for me and why it brought tears to my eyes:

The Dear & Departed: "Myself And My Grandparents"

Sometimes growing up as a child who feels completely isolated and alone can be the hardest thing in the world. It just feels like you have nowhere or no one to turn to. Most of the time you are not completely alone, it is important to not give up and keep searching and allow others close enough to help – you just might find that person who really understands you.

Truth.Explosion.Magazine: I guess we should start at the beginning and set this story up for everyone... So where does it begin?

David Williams: When I was around five.

TEM: Why were you raised by your Grandmother?

DW: My parents divorced when I was five, my mother and I lived together for about two months and she then decided I would be better off with my grandparents on my dads side.

TEM: Where did you mother go?

DW: My mother moved to another city and took my younger sister Sam with her.

TEM: That must have been hard. What about your dad?

DW: My dad had lost his long time job and was struggling to support my sister, myself and my grandparents. He was working all hours of the day in the house that my parents had both lived in. My grandparents house was within walking distance of my dads house and he would come up often.

TEM: Well at least he was close by. Did you still manage to have a fairly normal childhood then?

DW: Before and after my parents divorce I spent the majority of my time in hospital. I felt very isolated.

TEM: Do you mind talking about spending all that time in the hospital? Why were you there so much?

DW: I don’t mind, my sister and I are both chronic asthmatic. She actually just spent new years eve and the following day in hospital because of it.

TEM: That's horrible. It must have been really hard spending so much time in a hospital while all the other children were out playing. Were you at least able to be with your sister?

DW: Sometimes my sister and I would be in the children’s ward together. To be honest it was really no comfort at all knowing my sister was as sick or sicker than me. I never understood people my age and hated them for the most part.

TEM: Did you hate them because you felt so much different then them?

DW: I just hated how average and predictable most people are. It was just way more intensified as a child. I hung solely around adults my whole childhood, the majority of them snobbish or doctors.

TEM: I see. Besides feeling really isolated what else was the effect of spending so much of your formative years in a hospital?

DW: I didn’t attend school often and fell behind so much that I was too afraid of the embarrassment of not knowing some of the things that the other children did. I felt really disconnected from my classmates and developed a strong dislike for the average person.

TEM: I can see how that would happen. How did you manage to stay caught up wit your schooling?

DW: The only thing I ever really enjoyed was reading and my Grandmother is responsible for that . She taught me how to read and more importantly gave me a passion for reading. The first book I ever read was the huge family bible that she would sit at with me.

TEM: Your grandmother sounds like such an amazing woman and such an important person in your life. Is she still there for you?

DW: She died in 2000 when I was about fifteen. She really shaped me into the person I am and had me give up on a lot of the animosity I had for other people. She introduced me to the church and music which have remained central aspects in my life.

TEM: She sounds like a very positive force. How was home life after she passed?

DW: I really didn’t handle the grieving process well. I was a socially inept teenager who was prepared for life by his socially inept snobbish and old world grandparents.

TEM: How did you feel?

DW: I felt robbed of the only person who knew me without wanting to change me. I felt upset and a bit betrayed by her for leaving me. I also had a really hard time with a lot of the beliefs that I had. I started emptying the wine cellar and really losing my mind. I spent all my time alone in the house.

TEM: Can you describe your day-to-day life in that house all alone?

DW: I would wake up with no one there, listen to my records on repeat and lock myself away in my room. Salt lines marked at every entrance to the room. I also used to practice various church services and prayers.

TEM: Did you keep living in your grandparents house?

DW: The house is very old and haunted. A lot of really bad things have happened there and I really think it has just absorbed that. I suppose I had a nervous brake down when I continued living there. I could see things as real as day chasing me around and tormenting me.

TEM: You mentioned you were constantly drunk and completely afraid – how did you overcome this? Have you?

DW: I just got away from that environment. I didn’t drink because I liked it it was to block out the things going on around me and in my head. Now I’m not afraid of anything.

TEM: Where was your father during this time?

DW: My dad was still living down the street, when he could see what was going on with me I moved back in with him.

TEM: What is the “truth” about David Williams?

DW: I’m not really nuts and I think I am fair. I have always given people what I think they deserve and not cared about the consequences. I think I have been the same all my life...scary.