the only constant.

So I'll cross my heart
And hope to die
Before I have a chance to lie
To you my dear
Who I wish no harm
But I know in the end this will turn out wrong
See I've been known to fall in love
But sometimes love just is not enough
And my heart will stray
Before too long
So please forgive me...

i stray because i keep looking. looking for possibilities. what you won't give me. or at least what you don't have the balls to tell me you can give me. the need, want, desire to be cuddled and kissed on the forehead. in my daydreams, in my real dreams. i hate it. i am not your typical girl. i don't get consumed with this shit... but i want it. and that's me being honest. i just want love. i don't want a husband. i don't want babies. i want late night talks with that voice that makes my bottom lip quiver. i want blushing and giggling more than 4x a year. fuck, what is wrong with me. i never wished anyone harm. not you and not me. this is the hardest feeling i think i've ever had to deal with on a daily basis, so i don't deal with it. god i hate this shit. i ignore it and push and push and push it back until i realize how much i fuckin miss it and it brings me to the brink of becoming a mess. but i never let it get that far. because if i breakdown, everything else around me breaks down. and i can't let that happen. i'm a boiling kettle with the lid on... i let a little seep out then the lid goes back on again and everything is fine for awhile... we will see how long.