i get so

[...distracted
by some peoples reactions
that i don't see my own faults
for what they are

at times so self destructive
with no intent on molding
but behind this emotion,
there lies a sensible heart

i hope to learn as time goes by
that i should trust what's deep inside
burning bright, oh burning bright
my sensible heart]


i'm in love with good ideas. which i guess is a good start. hopefully, they will lead into good plans and good actions. but if my life could tell you anything, it's that that isn't true. i always have good intentions, but they never seem to turn out the way i want them to. a lot of the time, its of no one's fault... and other's its of no ones fault but my own.

a lot of people mean more to me than they should. those are the reactions that distract me most. but at least i know, they are good people. people who would give you the shirt off their back. people with good hearts and good intentions, just like me.

even in 08, there have been more people, more opinions/judgments than i would have thought that i would care about. some of them i don't know [them as people and/or their judgments], but i want to. even if those judgments are about me. people like harlow and her uncle josh and dallas and dan and darren and david and zacky and matt and jason and danny and jenna and scotty and sam and keith... and so on and so forth. i could go on forever. but because they don't know that they impact me, doesn't mean i forget about the usual suspects. maybe they impact me through other people, like meghan or joel or avenged or the bats, but what ever it is, i have no reason to deny i think about them. hell, i dream about 90% of the people i just listed for christ's sake. sometimes i want to punch some of them in the face. sometimes i want to hug some of them silly.

coffee tastes better strong and bold. maybe i'll taste better too. as a child, i hated coffee. i thought it tasted bitter, but i just needed to add more sugar than dad would allow me to have. as we grow, our tastes change. doesn't mean we have abandoned them completely, just different now. sometimes i like my coffee black, sometimes i like it with lots of hazelnut creamer and sugar until it gets to a soft beige color. some days are black, some days are beige. but they are all worth living and learning and loving. there's more out there for me than i think i realize. i think there's more out there for you than we all realize.


----------------
Listening to: City & Colour - Sensible Heart