quote of the day:

' Aww, Pariasite has to settle for the fat-TER brother. Double ew. '

hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
[i'm sorry josh, but those comments are funn-eh.]

and now on to more news:
hmmm, i think paris banged him too... no wonder he needs a whole stash!

and to the highlight of my day:

woooooooooooooooooo channing. can't wait to see Stop Loss with my girl... maybe she can bring my new BFF too hahaha [more coming after the pix.]





before i talk about meghan... can we talk about those arms? they're so shiny and gorgeous and bada bing. ya know?

ok, so meghan leigh donohue. my BFF. god i hate those internet terms haha [or should i 'LOL']. anyhow, she is positively glowing. not even kidding you. and because of that. i'm positively glowing. she has a crush on this guy she works with. i've heard about him a few times before this but nothing besides how funny he is. all of a sudden, it's how cute he is and how comfortable sher is around him. so after a few weeks, i got to see this boy. his name is keith. he's 19, going to college for business, and his age has nothing to do with it. which is amazing. he's mature and responsible, gets all of his work done ahead of time, respectful, and helpful. that's all i need to know. i'm not counting my chickens before they hatch or anything, but i really hopes this one works out. and then... i'll have another BFF hahaha her fave co-workers and i are thinking about taking a trip to canada [so keither can drink hahaha] which i am obviously stoaked about.

as for me, it's been an amazing year so far. my grades might be the best they've ever been. my family is healthy. theres a free simple plan show this thursday at the mall -- my two things favorite things: shopping and canucks. um, the dear and departed is pretty much the loves of my life now. and josh madden likes my eyebows. and avenged sevenfold in 12 days. life is good.

two things:

[1]
I don't know if you still think of me, but I always wonder if you do ... I guess either way it wouldn't make a difference since you'll never let go of being the stubborn, close minded human that you are. Sometimes, I wonder if you even know what forgiveness means, the value of it, and will ever realize that if no one forgave you, you wouldn't have a single soul on your side, because you are definitely, for fact, not perfect. It's such a shame to see how you act upon certain situations, and I hope one day you realize how wrong you were. I hope one day you will realize you made a mistake just as much as I did, except the one difference between our errors is that I understand what I did was wrong. You, on the other hand, are convinced that the way you treat me is completely acceptable. In your eyes, you are never, ever wrong, and THAT, is wrong.

[2]
I suppose I should be thinking about the year ahead and trying to establish some sort of "game plan" therein... but to be honest, I know who I am. I know what I love and where I'm going. I'll get there, so it's something I needn't think of anymore. What's on my mind right now... is the unpredictable nature and all around random progression of life. I'm thinking of one person in particular. Perhaps of romance or desire... but of intrigue. To have seen this person only once, some years ago and still find myself intrigued with their perceptions regardless of how they differ from my own. The truth is, they will likely never know of this intrigue as our paths may never cross again, yet it still remains. To this day, I read/see/hear their words and am engaged in ways that I really find myself unable to explain. The plainly evident balance between honesty and portrayal, never straying from one's self... regardless of the cryptic nature of written word at times. These people are few and far between and I must say, I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to look away.

So on that note, hold onto those people in whatever form you so choose, sometimes if only from a distance. They are honest and true, they are "reality" in itself. It saved me, once again, from falling in love with a bad idea.

this is meghan territory

usually, i don't care too much about my dreams. it's usually my best friend meghan who likes to get her dreams analyzed for symbols and psychology crap like that; me - it can be fun but i'm not that into it. but last night, i had a pretty funny dream ... well parts were funny, parts were sad.

i was john krasinski's girlfriend [shut up, it's not like i choose these things in my subconscious! but i am well aware of my newfound crush on him. anyhow...] and we were getting coffee when he got a call from someone asking him if he would want to host to MTV Movie Awards. he was sooo thrilled and said yes immediately, it was quite cute. yada yada yada, the night of the show comes and me and meghan [who i basically told john i was dumping him if she couldn't come with] get all dressed up. and we looked so frick'n good. she had on this sparkley red dress that hit just below her knees and i talked her into getting a little heel on her to make her look taller hahaha [i don't remember what i was wearing but john said i looked beautiful]. and we get to the "red carpet" and john starts to get nervous and wants me to walk out there with him. i didn't want to leave meg, but she pushed me anyhow and i stood with him for about 20 minutes having everyone snap our pictures - it was loud and people were annoying, in short: i hated it, and i know he did too but i guess it was all part of his job. he had to put a smile on his face and brave them. so we get through it i go to leave john with the press, quickly kiss and tell him good luck then go back to find meghan at our seats in the auditorium. on my way there, i see joel backstage, and at first he was with that other one that i'm not a big fan of, so i just kept walking. but after benji left, i looked up and saw joel and he was just staring at me. i was somewhat freaked out that he was looking at me like that but i just smiled and waved. and nothing. it was like he was a robot or something; i think he blinked about twice the whole time he saw me. and i can hear the audience start applauding and at this point i know either john is out there, or he will be coming out very shortly, so i pick up my pace and i'm practically running and i slip right before i had to turn the corner to get to my seat and there's joel again and he just looks at me. doesn't help me up, doesn't say "are you ok?" just stands there. but meghan found me and helped me up, dusted me off, and told me to hurry up cuz it was almost starting. so we get to our seats in time and john does his lil monologue and he's funny and charming like he always is and people seemed to enjoy him. so i was happy, then when there was a break before the first musical performance i told meghan that joel was there and his almost robotic like self. and she didn't say much, i just thought she didn't really care. then i get a text message from john just saying: "freaking out." so i replied back: "you're doing fine baby, everyone loves you. stay calm." so i bailed out on the performance because i wanted to surprise him backstage and see if i can calm him down. so again, told meg, i'd be right back. and walked back there and i knock on his dressing room door, and he's pacing. i never saw him so nervous before. so i quietly walk in and go: "you ok, big tuna?" and he starts laughing and gives me this huge hug and i'm telling him how great he's doing and assure him that i'm not just telling him that. so i give him another quick kiss and go out before the next presenter and as i'm walking back into the theater, i see joel again. he's in the row opposite of meghan, and he's just staring at her - once again motionless. so i calmly walk back to my seat and i tell her that she has an admirer apparently. and she takes out her cell dials the number and we see joel look down at his pocket, get out his phone, and briefly looks at it then gets a scared look in his face, shows it to benji. and puts it back. benji rolled his eyes, and joel didn't turn his head the rest of the night. and that was it. we had a fabulous night, and john was nervous for nothing, and we went to a few afterpartys and meg didn't seemed phased by any of it. she just started dancing, had a few drinks, talked to some hot guy i have no idea who he was, and yeah, it was fun. but i could tell that there was something going on; at least between me and meg that we didn't talk about. i think we already knew and that was our way to move on i guess. i was like stuck in a soap opera. i had the loving boyfriend, the ever-supportive best friend, the shady ex with his beady lil eyes everytime he saw john, and the old, close friend that now chose to act like he didn't know who i was / we were.
bittersweet to say the least...
maybe i watch too much of "the office"? [it's on TBS tonight for an hour by the way haha]

let it be.

i'm having one of those days ...

one of those days where you doubt yourself and your goals, ambitions, dreams, and realities. i need to just calm my ass down. i owe no one any answers. and i don't have to make up my mind right now, but i still worry. i think i worry too much. or maybe i think too much?

do i move to toronto by myself or move to a place i've never been to with my best friend?
i don't have to answer now.
i know i worry too much.
but both could kill me.

i guess this is where praying comes in. pray that things will go well, that you get what you want, who you want, that your friends and family are healthy and supportive of you and all that you do... but where do prayers end and ambitions/dreams begin?

hope, thats all we can do. that, and learn for our mistakes... some lessons we learn right off the bat. and others have to slap us in the fucking face --- i'm hoping it's not the latter for me [well, at least not this time.]

i guess this is why he worked in a basement

so i found this the other day - i copied and pasted it from a from stupid msg. board at the beginning of the year:
scene one, take one.
location: urban outfitters.
date: january, 24th, 2007.

characters:
-chris, cashier.
-jamie, cashier.
-mother (with large kid in a stroller), customer/s.
-girl (at jamie's cash), customer.

mother: (with large kid in stroller) walks up to chris`s cash.
'where is the mens section?'

chris: (hopped up on two liters of soda).
'the second floor and there is an elevator so you can bring up your baby.'

kid in stroller: (shoots chris an awful glare, he is clearly not a baby)

chris: (three seconds later, as mother begins to turn stroller around, still in clear hearing range)
'fuck that baby.'

girl: (in shock at next till, speaking to jamie).
'did he just say that?'

jamie: (says calmly to girl).
'yes'.

HAHAHAHAHAHA<3

then this morning, i wake up to this lovely message:


so the connection isn't really there for these 'separate' topics but hey, both made me smile.

oh and FYI: i am back to my normal self, well minus a few sniffles here and there... thank you to all of those who wished me well!
teehee. atreyu, dinner?, sleepover, breekie? tomorrow!


----------------
Listening to: Atreyu - Blow

my mom

always loved elton john.
in fact, her wedding song was "your song" by him and i cry every time i hear it.
but nonetheless, i was named after her favorite tv show character: 'samantha stephens' from bewitched.
the song is "Lady Samantha", written and performed by elton john.
i can not tell you how many times my life has came down to a coincidence like this.
however, i can not express how appropriate these song lyrics are:

When the shrill winds are screaming
And the evening is still
Lady Samantha glides over the hill
In a long satin dress that she wears every day
Her home is the hillside, her bed is the grave
Lady Samantha glides like a tiger
Over the hills with no one beside her
No one comes near
They all live in fear
But Lady Samantha, she sheds only tears
The tales that I told round the fire every night
Are out of proportion and none of them right
She is harmless and empty of anything bad
For she once had something that most of you have

october 16

all at once it seemed so easy
the way to make this right
just to let myself feel these things
and say what's on my mind
so i let my guard down
and it seems not for the best
i guess i do the right things
at all the wrong times
and stand to pay the price

cause i waited much too long
or just said something wrong
and i miss you

but you're not giving in
i missed it
and better luck is on my wish list
maybe that's why i'm alive
i'm not giving up on this yet
another time it might be different
if anything that's why i'm alive

if i'd just said something sooner
then maybe this could start
but at the time i couldn't see this coming
or how it'd fall apart
you can slow it down
and you can buy more time
but it comes around
and then you change your mind too late

there's nothing left to say about it now

i wish i remembered who did that song ...
did you know the title "october 16th" is my birthday?