wow

spent 200 bucks in a week.
...and it's only tuesday.
saving for california?
um, not so much.
i suck.

this is meghan territory

usually, i don't care too much about my dreams. it's usually my best friend meghan who likes to get her dreams analyzed for symbols and psychology crap like that; me - it can be fun but i'm not that into it. but last night, i had a pretty funny dream ... well parts were funny, parts were sad.

i was john krasinski's girlfriend [shut up, it's not like i choose these things in my subconscious! but i am well aware of my newfound crush on him. anyhow...] and we were getting coffee when he got a call from someone asking him if he would want to host to MTV Movie Awards. he was sooo thrilled and said yes immediately, it was quite cute. yada yada yada, the night of the show comes and me and meghan [who i basically told john i was dumping him if she couldn't come with] get all dressed up. and we looked so frick'n good. she had on this sparkley red dress that hit just below her knees and i talked her into getting a little heel on her to make her look taller hahaha [i don't remember what i was wearing but john said i looked beautiful]. and we get to the "red carpet" and john starts to get nervous and wants me to walk out there with him. i didn't want to leave meg, but she pushed me anyhow and i stood with him for about 20 minutes having everyone snap our pictures - it was loud and people were annoying, in short: i hated it, and i know he did too but i guess it was all part of his job. he had to put a smile on his face and brave them. so we get through it i go to leave john with the press, quickly kiss and tell him good luck then go back to find meghan at our seats in the auditorium. on my way there, i see joel backstage, and at first he was with that other one that i'm not a big fan of, so i just kept walking. but after benji left, i looked up and saw joel and he was just staring at me. i was somewhat freaked out that he was looking at me like that but i just smiled and waved. and nothing. it was like he was a robot or something; i think he blinked about twice the whole time he saw me. and i can hear the audience start applauding and at this point i know either john is out there, or he will be coming out very shortly, so i pick up my pace and i'm practically running and i slip right before i had to turn the corner to get to my seat and there's joel again and he just looks at me. doesn't help me up, doesn't say "are you ok?" just stands there. but meghan found me and helped me up, dusted me off, and told me to hurry up cuz it was almost starting. so we get to our seats in time and john does his lil monologue and he's funny and charming like he always is and people seemed to enjoy him. so i was happy, then when there was a break before the first musical performance i told meghan that joel was there and his almost robotic like self. and she didn't say much, i just thought she didn't really care. then i get a text message from john just saying: "freaking out." so i replied back: "you're doing fine baby, everyone loves you. stay calm." so i bailed out on the performance because i wanted to surprise him backstage and see if i can calm him down. so again, told meg, i'd be right back. and walked back there and i knock on his dressing room door, and he's pacing. i never saw him so nervous before. so i quietly walk in and go: "you ok, big tuna?" and he starts laughing and gives me this huge hug and i'm telling him how great he's doing and assure him that i'm not just telling him that. so i give him another quick kiss and go out before the next presenter and as i'm walking back into the theater, i see joel again. he's in the row opposite of meghan, and he's just staring at her - once again motionless. so i calmly walk back to my seat and i tell her that she has an admirer apparently. and she takes out her cell dials the number and we see joel look down at his pocket, get out his phone, and briefly looks at it then gets a scared look in his face, shows it to benji. and puts it back. benji rolled his eyes, and joel didn't turn his head the rest of the night. and that was it. we had a fabulous night, and john was nervous for nothing, and we went to a few afterpartys and meg didn't seemed phased by any of it. she just started dancing, had a few drinks, talked to some hot guy i have no idea who he was, and yeah, it was fun. but i could tell that there was something going on; at least between me and meg that we didn't talk about. i think we already knew and that was our way to move on i guess. i was like stuck in a soap opera. i had the loving boyfriend, the ever-supportive best friend, the shady ex with his beady lil eyes everytime he saw john, and the old, close friend that now chose to act like he didn't know who i was / we were.
bittersweet to say the least...
maybe i watch too much of "the office"? [it's on TBS tonight for an hour by the way haha]