unless

your name is Meghan or Mary, i love this man more than you:


"when everything sucks, there will always be a way to deal with it."

his music is one of the ways i deal with it.
in fact, i don't know where i would be without music. i'm not musically inclined. i've written somethings, my singing is ok, but that's the extent of it. i owe 99% of my friends to music. no matter what i'm feeling inside, music/bands/artists are always how i find my way back. when i had to find my way back from my secret battle, i was empowered by bands like day of contempt, madball, bleeding through, avenged sevenfold, pantera - hell, even the kill decibel during the last few years of my bulimia... you know bands that look like they'd rather kill you than look at you. i think in some ways, with their anger and bodies hard enough to do laundry on, i took that with me. when i worked out, i usually did it to bleeding through. or when i felt like hurting myself, i'd turn up my stereo and blared and screamed along with m.shadows. i also remember getting so upset and putting on day of contempt to make myself feel better and once "shattered dreams and broken hearts" came on, i cried like a baby, it was almost hard to breathe. actually, i got so upset and cried so much i threw up. and i hated it. it was all an accident and i still hated it. that's when i knew, my fight was finally over.

now i still listen to those bands, with the same amount of aggression and admiration, and it's like therapy. i've progressed to less anger [more sarcasm?] with dallas green and morrissey and the dear & departed, but its all the same. that's how i get along. it's all i know how.

going to see those bands live is all i do now it seems. and i absolutely love it. it's better than any drug i've ever tried. having you heart pound to the same beat the rev is pounding on the drums or the same rhythm gates is playing on his guitar... and you just feel like you belong. not to mention, that's usually how i bonded with my best friend. lord knows where i would be without all of those events... but thats a story i've told a million times before and will save for another day.

urgh

i'm not the jealous type of girl.
but some bitches... need to be slapped.

waist vs. waste? honestly, you are retarded. can you even spell S.T.D.? i don't care if you're a size 2 with a tan. you all look the fucking same anyhow. use your motherfucking brain and maybe you will stand out from the rest of the girls. the girls who look like whores or the girls that are whores... what's the difference anymore?

you will never be val.

----------------
Listening to: Feist - I Feel It All