dear subconscious,

you should be doing my dirty work but i dont know how thats possible. since you've brought this man and his band into my dreams i can't stop thinking about him when i'm awake. i'm pretty sure thats just adding fuel to the fire, but hey, you made it that way missy!

i always knew i was my own worst enemy. but even as i type this, there's a smile on my face. and i'm 99.9% sure when i get done typing this that i'm going to go watch his videos... yup pretty sure.

this is what i've succumb to:


only, i wouldn't use the word "love"... in fact i wouldn't use that last sentence at all, but hey this is all hypotethical anyhow.

psssh; like my subconscious can read!!

oh well in conclusion, i'm a giggly mess now. thank you. these always turn out bad.

with love and hate,
-sam.

ps - at least you picked a really good guy though. i mean... our favorite candy bar is twix, neither of us eat meat, we love anchorman and canucks, and in all his blogs, i have only found one spelling/grammar mistake--its just too bad you had to pick someone on the opposite side of the fucking country. but thats ok, he's touring more and more now anyways. maybe later in the relationship i can talk him into moving to this coast ahahahhahah

oh relationship, what's that again?!
boyfriend?! i even forgot what that means.

but things are good.
:D

my heart's changing...

i miss missing chris.

i still think about him, but its more of a "i haven't seen him in awhile. i hope he's ok." i think things make more sense when i don't think about him honestly. at this point, i think we're in our own lives. maybe one day it happen like i always thought it would and our lives can match up for once, but for right now i don't see it happening.

at the beginning of the year, meghan and i were making jokes about our "replacements". to me, that was because chris had replaced benj -- completely. and i'm so happy that i had such a good guy to replace the heartache i had from the "ex". but now i think... [i don't want to say definitely but,] i think chris has a replacement now. but i'm 99.9% sure its only temporary.

whatever it is or why it's happening at all, i'm happy. i probably have my head in the clouds for the moment but there's a corny smile on my face every time i see a new picture or video with dp. i'm okay. i'll be okay without chris. and it's pretty clear, i'll be okay with him [if that time comes].

all good things:
-i wish him.
-come to an end.

it's nothing to cry over, in fact its something to smile about. i don't regret anything and i'll never regret falling for him. but i'm getting back up on my own. and you never know when there's going to be a new chapter.

i'm not where i belong yet...but i'm happy to know i'm getting there with a smile on my face.